Approval vs. Obedience

Approval vs. Obedience

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I have always been a people pleaser. The last few years this is something that I have worked an insane amount of time trying to conquer. Reading Christian books dealing directly with self-esteem, reading passages in the Bible that show me God’s approval, love, acceptance and design that was and is specifically set in place for me and my life, journaling through situations and many hours of prayer asking God to reshape my heart to seek only His approval. But it is an area that Satan attacks me with over and over, from a new direction each time, just when I cover my head, he sucker punches me in the stomach, when I guard my midsection, he hits me low and knocks my feet out from under me. One time when I was watching a teaching by Beth Moore, she said that Satan always attacks first, the way that he was able to beat you the last time. This is so true for me in the area of self-esteem. I gain an inch and he trips me when I confidently walk into the room. I have my head high, feeling strong and I never even notice the wire that is strung at ankle height.

This leaves me discouraged and defeated. It reminds me of a time when I jumped into water that had a strong current. It swept me down stream faster than I could get my feet under me and every time I struggled for a footing, the water rushed past and carried me again. My head went under water and I was constantly fighting to get my feet under me so I could get out of the rapids. I was finally able to get into a shallow spot that resulted in scratched up legs but I was able to gain control and stand, recover my balance, and walk out of the stream. I was cold and shaken but the fight was over. This fight of self-confidence and security doesn’t come so easy. If I see another 30 ft. waterfall at the head of a stream, you can bet that I am not jumping in again, but seeing a pitfall into hurt, disappointment and unworthiness is not so plain to see.

As I have stepped into this ministry that God has led me to start, I thought that if I was in obedience to Him, the old struggle wouldn’t be a problem. But as time has passed, and as I have had a few emotional struggles just in general, I have been down and discouraged. I have not kept my focus directly on God. I have worried about having the approval of a few select people and I have allowed myself to be distracted. It is so important for me to leave this blog/vlog in the hands of the One who has the plan and is giving me direction. If I know that He has the map why would I go around and ask everyone else how to find my destination? Silly, right?

God has given us all certain jobs, tailored to our personalities that He wants us to do. Do you know what your job is? Would you like to share in the comments and let me know what you do to keep your focus where it needs to be? I look forward to reading them.

As an early teen, I felt called to be a missionary and I went forward at a church camp altar call and shared this calling and prayed with a youth worker. After going home and settling back into normal everyday life, the magnitude of this calling weighed on me and what this might actually mean for me. I might be asked to go to a foreign country and live far away from my family. I might have to live in deplorable conditions and learn a new language. I went to my mom and shared my concerns with her. She said something that has stuck with me and helped me to trust God even more. She said - you might not have to go. God might just want to know, that you would be willing to go. If He does want you to go, He will prepare you and it won’t seem so scary.

This was when God started instilling in me the importance of having a willingness to serve. This is sometimes hard, because it can be uncomfortable to just go into a situation and say, put me where you need me. It is a total lack of control or privilege. You never know if you will be asked to speak to the crowd or scrub the toilet, but I have learned that God can make even the lowest task satisfying and rewarding.

Father- please help me to trust You and Your plan. Help me to practice a willing spirit. Help me to look to you and not to be worried about what others think. I know that you will bring me peace and joy when I am following Your direction. Help me not to be distracted by Satan’s attacks and hurtful schemes.

Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. 2 Corinthians 9:13 (NIV)

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10 (NIV)

Have an awesome rest of the week!

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